“Midterms” by Katrina Seabright

Mid-terms, you make me want to throw myself out a window
Onto a pile of glass that will hurt less than my back
After sitting and staring and hunching over my computer all night.
I feel like an old man, groaning and wheezing and cursing at the sun
For being too bright, because it is
I’ve spent all night watching words run and collide
Until there’s nothing left but a jumble of letters and numbers and
More coffee, I need more coffee.

And I don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself when
I know that you’ll pass by and nothing will have changed.
I still care even when I don’t want to because you’re only Mid-terms
And you mean I have another half a semester to go.
And people will tell me that this is the best time of my life
But clearly they are not old like me, hunched and tired,
Grumpy and swallowing down another coffee and another coffee
And maybe just one more coffee will make it make sense.
They don’t have my shaking hands or aching back or tired eyes
Because they don’t have my job or my classes
Or my life.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my life too.
But I have to pass
So even if it doesn’t matter
I have to take this test anyway.
I hate you but you’re there to show that I’m making progress,
That all hope is not lost
That I still have time.
I don’t want any more time, I want to quit.
I want to stop and fly away like people can in books
Because flying might mean falling,
but it’s better to fall because at least there’s an end to it.

Mid-terms, you make me want to scream until I have no voice left
And then I’d throw something because it’s still not enough.
I want to throw myself out a window.
It would be preferable to one more night and one more cup and
The steady tick tick tick of the clock that I don’t even have
Winding down until I’m out of time
And I haven’t even taken my exam.

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