My mind swims in pools of eventuality.
To escape there is no remedy, save one.
Save one person a day, other than myself.
If I am not in one pool I must be in another.
There are hardly any hands reaching in to drag me back home
But I only think that because I am selfish and heartless.
A daymare squirms out from under a paper-thin rock to proclaim me heartless.
I scramble out of my head, avoiding that word, that eventuality,
and find myself in my too-warm home.
But I cannot change a thing about my surroundings, not one
degree lower or higher, and when it comes to my choice of home, it’s not like I have another.
The floor is hidden beneath dirt and debris, and everyone is too busy to clean. Including myself.
Can you blame me for retreating back into myself?
Please don’t look at me like I’m heartless,
I’d do anything, take you anywhere you want, if you keep me and not another.
But with self-absorbed bargains like that, your departure is an eventuality.
I think, “I can move on if I beat this thought and start to love myself for once. If I beat this one.”
But how can I do that if I’m home?
Because I’m home,
And nothing ever changes, not even myself.
Why do I try to be the only one
It has to be an eventuality
that I’ll meet another.
I have to connect with another,
I must find my Home Away from Home.
Everyone does it, right? It’s an eventuality.
I can’t always be by myself,
even though nothing changes, I don’t feel as heartless
anymore. Because I don’t feel like I’m the only one.
If we cherish one
I don’t think we’ll be heartless.
We can shape ourselves into a new home,
and I won’t have to be by myself.
Can I stay in this eventuality?
But what if there’s only one home.
What if there is no another, only myself?
What is this heartless existence? The most selfish eventuality.
Joshua Faith is practically an adult. He is currently deciding what he likes to write and lives in Hagerstown, MD, where he was born and raised. His works have yet to be published, but will still be produced regardless.