I believe that there is light in the darkness and through perseverance it can be found. For many of us we end up in this bottomless pit of life where we know longer know what our purpose is which leads us into a dark world of torment. We often forget about the things that we have all around us everyday that make life worth living. Many will eventually find that light but for some the torment lasts to long.
My life was an undeniable hell. Life was colorless, relationships were meaningless, and life felt miserable. I woke up exhausted every day, I constantly found that life’s joys were not for me anymore, and I constantly started asking myself what my purpose in this world was. I soon found myself being pumped full of an SSRI called Zoloft and was soon maxed out on my dosage.
I became a zombie, wandering through life as the beauty and exponential experience’s life had to offer passed me by.
I wanted to scream but my mouth wouldn’t let me. My family and friends would all say about how much better I appeared to be doing but the medication put a mask over me so that no one could see the true pain and emptiness I was feeling. I felt like the soul from within me left in a haste and left me an empty shamble of a shell. I was a burden to my family, society, and felt as though I had no purpose or direction. To me, life was merely existing until you die, life was unfair, cruel, and seemed like a punishment.
I made the decision to end my life.
Did I want to die? No, but I did not want to live either.
The night before my suicide, I had a dream; in this dream I met my creator. I may not remember what was said but I was granted internal peace and was shown that the light is all around us. The colors we see every day, the people we interact with and the love that we give and share with others. I awoke out of breath having no sense of time and feeling as if I had just experienced death.
Six years of repressed emotion began to pour out of me uncontrollably for about two days.
For the first time I felt new but most importantly I felt alive.
I felt emotion that I could not explain and saw the beauty that the world had to offer. I finally felt the love of those around me.
I do not know what I experienced that night, but I know I was given a second chance and an opportunity to reach out to those struggling with maintaining the will to live. I believe there is light in the darkness.